13 Rules of Life According to The Sims

Table of Contents

• 13 Rules of Life According to The Sims
• After entering adolescence, everyone knows how to drive a car
• Undercover agents and astronauts are hired through the Internet
• As we all know, teenage years officially end on your 36th birthday
• Children are conceived by kissing
• Give enough complements to someone, and they'll go to bed with you
• If you are a man and want to have a child, consider allowing aliens to abduct you
• You can drink as much as you want, and you will not become an alcoholic
• Social service comes after three days of the baby crying
• Why bother mowing the lawn if you can just paint the ground green?
• If you talk to the mirror long enough, you'll get promoted
• A group of strangers knocking on the door? Let them in
• Even if you work as a janitor, a chauffeur will drive you to work

Why bother mowing the lawn if you can just paint the ground green?

So, which lawn is better? Mosses, lichens, and green mold, or a beautiful, groomed lawn like on a golf course? The answer is simple.

So many wasted hours, so much noise, shoulders burnt with sun, and the headache ("put on your hat, you'll get a heat stroke!” ), the roaring engine, elaborate plans for finding the shortest way around the tree (ah crap, a stone!). And why can't this lawn be flat! Uphill and downhill, dragging this effin contraption – and the whole weekend's wasted. And look, this neighbor's doing it on Saturday morning! And that one on Sunday – how is he not ashamed... Oh, and the sprinklers, the fertilizers, you do everything you can, and still, there's a patch of yellowish grass here, mole mounds there, weeds of some kind, can't get rid of the darn thing, they always come back. Maybe I should use the same mat my neighbor used? Maybe it needs bark? Maybe gravel, or some sort of goddamn river stones? Why not just pave this effin' yard, or asphalt it? I'd have time to grill sausage and have beers instead of mowing the lawn, Jesus God.

Mowing the lawn is one of the most serious causes of depression since decades. It's really becoming the gospel of advanced economies of the world. You can love it, you can hate it – but you have to do it. Exactly. Have to? Of course not. And guess what? The leaders of some States seem to have been following The Sims carefully, because they've known about it for a long time. There were some Soviet republics, such as Poland, for example, that knew better. Grass can be simply painted. It's so simple. You take a big cylinder and paint the ground with it. Different shades of green; you can add flowers, frost-resistant porcelain tiles, you can also draw ground the ground and so on. Mix textures to imitate a more nonchalant approach to mowing and caring for the grass; paint more ground in spots that are used more often to add a notch of realism; you can also go all the way, and just get the perfect, lush lawn. And most importantly – the effects will last a lifetime. Without mowing.