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Essays 04 August 2020, 19:23

1. The wet Sim. 13 Sick Things We Did to The Sims

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Perhaps the morality of those of us, who grew up in the early 2000s was shaped by – apart from Linkin Park and Dragon Ball – a merry time in the swimming pool. I remember being quite surprised to discover I could delete the pool ladder. I admit that I was not driven by any murderous intent: rather human, youthful curiosity, a bit of boredom and willingness to see what happens. Have experiments ever hurt anyone?

We begin with an absolute classic. - 13 Sick Things We Did to The Sims - dokument - 2020-08-04
We begin with an absolute classic.

Yes, they did hurt the Sims. All you need to do is invite an obnoxious neighbor or an entire family into a newly built pool and then remove the ladder. The Sims can't get out and slowly lose energy. They soon move to the Bosom of Abraham. It's hard to estimate how many Sims have given their lives in the name of unhealthy curiosity. There must have been quite a few, though, because in the third entry in the series, the Sims have learned to get out of the pool without a ladder. But rest assured – the homegrown killers have found a solution to that problem. All you need to do is build some wall around the pool...

2. Classic heated Sim

Who didn't do it by accident? You create your beloved Sim, build a house, and send them to work, maybe even romance the prettiest sim in the hood, who eventually accepts the clumsy invitation and your poor taste (canned food on a date?) The chosen one moves in... Just to die in a fire a few hours later. In 2000 it seemed extremely realistic – a piece of burning furniture caused a fire and we had to call the fire department, or try to quench it ourselves. If we had the money, we could also buy smoke sensors.

But The Sims also allowed us to discover our inner pyromania. Fire is another element that brings a classic way to get rid of a sim. The fire is very impressive and there is a lot of screaming, but unlike the "wet method" it also has many drawbacks: there's a risk of burning your entire livelihood along with the disliked sim, which then forces you to use CTRL+SHIFT+C and type in klapaucius.

Grilled sim. - 13 Sick Things We Did to The Sims - dokument - 2020-08-04
Grilled sim.

Interestingly, the Sims from the first game were reportedly prone to spontaneous self-combustion. I'm sure you all know these amazing tabloid stories, when one moment, a man walks across the street just to burn to ashes in the next. It turns out that the Sims did do that quite often, but then it was mended with a patch (software update to the brain).

Heated sim recipe:

Ingredients:

  1. 1 sim;
  2. 1 working fireplace;
  3. 1 piece of wooden furniture.
  4. Preparation time: about 60 minutes.

Procedure:

  1. Take sim and wash it thoroughly.
  2. Make sure it's in a room densely packed with furniture has no way out.
  3. Set the furniture by the fireplace.
  4. When the fire from the fireplace moves to the furniture, control the roasting.
  5. Remove from fire once you think it's properly done. Serve warm.

3. Brick chapel (a la Edgar Alan Poe)

That's usually how games end. - 13 Sick Things We Did to The Sims - dokument - 2020-08-04
That's usually how games end.

Another classic move, without which The Sims would never be the simulator of developing mental illness. Hunger is a fairly radical form of protest and... A very painful way to leave this world.

Imagine that. You're invited to a house party by a sexy sim. You want to make a pass, but there's another contestant. So, what can you do? It's very simple. All you have to do is get them into a room and brick the entrance up.

Sealing sims off with a wall is one of the most popular – along with drowning and burning – ways to make your gameplay more varied. The most experienced bricklayers will tell you that the secret is sealing them so tight they can't even take a step. They only thing they should be able to do is moan. So it's also worth investing in soundproof walls.

Matthias Pawlikowski

Matthias Pawlikowski

The editor-in-chief of GRYOnline.pl, associated with the site since the end of 2016. Initially, he worked in the guides department, and later he managed it, eventually becoming the editor-in-chief of Gamepressure, an English-language project aimed at the West, before finally taking on his current role. In the past, a reviewer and literary critic, he published works on literature, culture, and even theater in many humanities journals and portals, including the monthly Znak or Popmoderna. He studied literary criticism and literature at the Jagiellonian University. Likes old games, city-builders and RPGs, including Japanese ones. Spends a huge amount of money on computer parts. Apart from work and games, he trains tennis and occasionally volunteers for the Peace Patrol of the Great Orchestra of Christmas Charity.

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