This week, I won't mention Mass Effect: Andromeda

FeatureJan 6, 2017 at 10:22a PSTby Maiman

This week, I won't mention Mass Effect: Andromeda

You won’t even find out it launches March 21 in the U.S. and March 23 in Europe.

Yes, you got that right – Mass Effect: Andromeda is none of my concern.

So in this feature, you won’t read about how it made the headlines with its newest in-game footage (showcased at CES 2017) and the March 21 release date reveal, simply because I don’t consider this information a newsworthy material.

For some, Mass Effect: Andromeda may be this week’s/month’s/year’s major story. But not for me. - 2017-01-09
For some, Mass Effect: Andromeda may be this week’s/month’s/year’s major story. But not for me.

As for my impressions – there are none, thanks for asking. I could, of course, tell you how the gameplay felt a bit off because of how forced the combat seemed (turning the skill tree into a feature is not what makes your game a bestseller – Mako-hype is), thus foreshadowing the actual RPG aspect; or how I’m genuinely happy about PC specs heading our way next month; or that I revisited Mass Effect 2 as soon as it went free on Origin; or dwell on how it’s been 10 years since Mass Effect’s initial release and how Half-Life 3 is still not here (thanks, Valve), but since I obliged myself to not to discuss Bioware’s new interstellar adventure under any circumstances, it won’t happen.

Anyway, to find out how unimportant Andromeda really is, just take a look at the list of 2017 most anticipated game titles we’ve assembled. You’ll stumble upon Resident Evil VII, NiOh, For Honor… but Andromeda? Andromeda hasn’t even gotten into the first three! Who cares they’re arranged by launch date? If it were that big of a release, it would’ve conquered the top. Guess nobody can beat Shepard, indeed.

In other (more important) news

CES 2017 happened

Starring Nvida Shield 4K HDR TV, $25-per-20-hours GeForce Now game streaming service, and a $399 Levovo VR headset, this year’s CES proved that you’re still too poor to enjoy the latest gaming technology. However, you CAN afford to do the following:

  • subscribe to all those neat tech YouTube channels where they unbox and review the latest gaming technology;
  • comment on the lame performance of the latest gaming technology and how even a mediocre PC will always be better;
  • express your disappointed over the latest gaming technology you will never try out by abusing that downvote button;
  • cry yourself to sleep;
  • dream of the latest gaming technology becoming affordable one day (like being featured in Steam sales or something like that).

Also remember – when I was your age, we dreamed of stable Internet connection to get a kick out of Half-Life 2. And now my generation is dreaming of Half-Life 3. Get it together, Valve.

The cheapest version of this beauty is available for $200 (a $600 4K TV not included). - 2017-01-09
The cheapest version of this beauty is available for $200 (a $600 4K TV not included).

Arkane assures us Prey will have no optimization issues on PC

So what are you waiting for? Preorder straight away! What can possibly go wrong? The devs won’t lie to you, come on, it’s 2017, you could sue them, or get a refund, or even – by means of the last resort – write a negative Steam review!

Apparently, Prey will take advantage of CryEngine, which roughly translates to a steady, rock-solid 60FPS at 1080p using an FX5200, and a console-grade, buttery smooth 30FPS experience on a Raspberry Pi-powered smart mirror. CryEngine dates back to 2004, when it was first used in Far Cry, making it hands down one the most demanding titles of the time. Then there was Crysis, bringing ‘Yeah, but will it run Crysis?’ meme around. Now do the math and you can clearly see that there’s nothing suspicious about Arkane’s statement, and that – undoubtedly – the optimization won’t be an issue. Your rig, on the other hand, can be, but don’t lose any sleep over that matter – I bet Prey will be streamable via GeForce Now.

Still hesitant? No worries, I gave this topic a thought (so you don’t have to), and then a second thought, and – being an experienced editor I am – I can assure you that never ever in the history of gaming were there lying, or even fly-by-night developers. Except for Valve. Seriously though, these guys state that their most recently released title is Portal 2, when clearly it isn’t. What the hell, Gabe?

Turning into a mug as a feature? You mean GOTY? - 2017-01-09
Turning into a mug as a feature? You mean GOTY?

So trust me, Prey’s definitely a safe pick.

Other than that – never trust Valve.