Newsroom News Breaking Comics Tags RSS
press release Mathias Zulpo 02 February 2017, 22:21

This week, make friends

Not war. Because war, war never... you know how it goes.

What comes around…

Speaking of Fallout (yes, we are speaking of Fallout), it has come to my attention that 60 gigs worth of Ultra HD PC textures is on its way and about to drop next week. I bet downloading a better-visuals pack that’s twice the size of the base game is great news for anybody… who already owns the actual game. I wish I could say I’m one of those lucky folks, but woefully enough, my Internet provider only allows me of scoring some goals in Haxball. From time to time. Until I’m kicked for sending that ping off the charts.

This week, make friends - picture #1
Fallout 4 with and without the HD texture pack installed. Please note that the difference may be barely noticeable on a CRT display.

Also, since upgrading my FX 5200 to a GTX 1080 was not an option, I thought maybe I could buy myself a PlayStation Pro, to at least enjoy my Fallout 4 in 1440p when the update goes live. I headed to the nearest tech store and asked the nice tech guy about the tech stuff, like, ‘Hey, I’d like to buy a PlayStation Pro,’ and he went, ‘Sure, cash or credit?’ and I was all like, ‘Oh I don’t know, I can’t even afford a stable Internet connection.’ So we had some good laughs, and then even more when I told him I still own and game on a CRT. ‘Anyway, catch me in Haxball,’ I invited the tech guy, leaving, ‘my nick is “Skyrocket”.’ (Because that’s what ping does whenever I join a room.) ‘Sure,’ he answered in a nice, fellowish way, ‘I’m Feargus by the way, nice to meet you.’

So remember, even though money can buy you 60 gigs of beauty (and maybe even a next-next gen console), it definitely can’t buy you friendship.

Lack of satisfaction

You must also know that one of the developers out there made the headlines this week by posting a photo of a screen displaying a game everybody already forgot about. His name is Michel Ancel and the title in question is WiLD, or I-am-definitely-not-FC-Primal-with-tribal-magic: The Game. Now, this spawned at least two questions requiring immediate answer:

  • why not take an actual screenshot instead of showing off that sweet Samsung™ display, which does a tremendous job hiding all the visual imperfections of the game?
  • why would anyone consider getting lost great satisfaction? I mean, it encourages kids using Instagram to hit the forests searching for said satisfaction, and then, when that’s not enough, for anomalies, and we all know where this leads to;
  • why isn’t it coming to PC? Just curious.
  • where the hell is Beyond Good and Evil 2?
This week, make friends - picture #2
This is a visual representation of something that never happened.

When it comes to WiLD itself, that last riddle is the most aggravating one. Forget about the others, I call for an explanation. Knocking up a brand new IP only so you can justify abandoning an already existing one is not how you make friends among gamers, boy. And actually tricking people into believing that anyone should take your promises seriously is what I call crossing the line. Big time. So Michel, keep snapping those shots, but next time, don’t rise your eyebrows if there’s no-one left here to like them.

Now once again – why isn’t it coming to PC?

…goes around

Oh, who would’ve guessed – Feargus dropped around my house a few hours after we’d met in the tech store, bringing a copy of Fallout 3 with him. Sweet! Ever since Fallout made it to third dimension, I wanted to mod the Wild Hunt out of it, and couldn’t only because whenever I went past that irksome green dude, the game crashed. Unlucky me. But hey, now Fergus were around for the rescue!

The man explained to me, very carefully, how the copy he carried was better, in every way, than Bethesda’s one. And I listened to him, also carefully, soaking up all the beers he’d also brought on the side, one by one, while he was busy explaining things I was far from comprehending, like ‘the power of isometry,’ ‘staying faithful to the true experience by going CRT’ or ‘the tragic failure of Tactics that wasn’t our fault.’ And when he finally considered me worthy of discerning his biggest secret (also, when I was already a little dizzy to the head), here’s what he revealed – his name was Feargus Urquhart and he was working on Fallout 3 since the 90s. ‘And this,’ he rocked the CD like it were his beloved child, ‘is my heritage.’

Then he got purple with rage, because, as he put it, ‘wait… somebody took all of my Nuka-beer!’ He dropped his heritage on the floor to search for said beer, and me… I decided on making hay while the sun still shined. I got my hands on the game, loaded it into my CD drive, installed it, ‘Anybody did this – I hope you die from ARS!’ double-clicked the launch icon (success – the green dude didn’t even pop up!), enter intro, my heart rate rising as I know Feargus did the maths by now, but whatever, the modding promised land awaits, it’s right here, right around the corner, skip the intro, and then…

This week, make friends - picture #3
What the hell, Feargus? What the postapocalyptic hell is this?

Needless to say, both bursting with tears and anger, we then patched a quarrel up by playing some Haxball. And to be honest with you – I could’ve beaten the greatest sequel out of Feargus, he was so bad at it. But I didn’t. And you know why? Because then I would lost my friend.

Never lose friends in silly ways.