13 Rules of Life According to The Sims

Table of Contents

• 13 Rules of Life According to The Sims
• After entering adolescence, everyone knows how to drive a car
• Undercover agents and astronauts are hired through the Internet
• As we all know, teenage years officially end on your 36th birthday
• Children are conceived by kissing
• Give enough complements to someone, and they'll go to bed with you
• If you are a man and want to have a child, consider allowing aliens to abduct you
• You can drink as much as you want, and you will not become an alcoholic
• Social service comes after three days of the baby crying
• Why bother mowing the lawn if you can just paint the ground green?
• If you talk to the mirror long enough, you'll get promoted
• A group of strangers knocking on the door? Let them in
• Even if you work as a janitor, a chauffeur will drive you to work

Children are conceived by kissing

The sims have reached a point, where contraconception is completely unnecessary – if you do not want to have children, you won't have them. If you do, you will. It's all a matter of willpower and attitude. This is the conclusive argument of all endless, bioethical discussions about world outlook (including abortion).

Sex ed teachers used to show us books about boys and girls. Inside, there were two-page, cartoonish illustrations depicting anatomically inaccurate figures of two human-shaped forms, presumably in school age. Their sex could only be determined by the length of their hair. So far, so good. Only the nudity doesn't make sense – we all know everyone has a cloud of pixels under their underwear. Anyway, this is how we've learned where babies come from. The description in the textbook said something like:

This is a sad, skewed picture of child sex education. For there is no evidence (empirical or theoretical) that children come from hugging. They come from kissing. I mean, they used to – as proven by the experience of modern sims (you need to know that the aforementioned textbook was published around those times). If you have old computers buried somewhere in attics or basements, you may find old records and photographs documenting this intimate act.

Just think how huge the misinformation was. How many people went hugging as hard as they could, to no avail! Currently, the whole pregnancy thing evolved a bit, and you can now kiss without having kids. Access to information about parenthood is also much easier.